You and your partner can grow through Relationship Counselling. Each have your own subjective reality of your relationship. I hear partners separately in phone Intakes, and sometimes wonder if they belong to the same couple! I hope that is not you. However you can grow and catapult your ‘growing up’ through Relationship Counselling.
What I’m referring to here is shining a light through Relationship Counselling, to find out where the power is. This is not about being comfortable, rather about being real. Terry Real (Relational Life Institute) has turned on its head the premise that therapists need to remain neutral. He writes about “creating an atmosphere of intense truth-telling”: https://www.psychotherapynetworker.org/blog/details/694/getting-real-in-couples-therapy.
As I consult privately with couples in distress, I find it helpful to take sides with each partner. This enables each of you to feel supported. By taking sides, this enables me to speak power to the truth of what I hear and see in the counselling room. Then it is my role to translate that information and relay it so you can both hear and see it in the session. Clients in Relationship Counselling have reported that they appreciate my honesty.
As partners, in Relationship Counselling you can reveal how you receive and understand the messages you hear from each other. This knowledge can then highlight what is happening in the relationship space between you. Shining a light on the relationship may reveal the dim flicker of a candle, the power of a dry electrical storm, or the destruction of an out-of-control bushfire. Together you can harness this power to share.
Most people come to counselling to make changes; even if it’s to change their partner! However when you as partners are aware of your relationship patterns, and which ones may be getting in the way of change, you can address your behaviours that contribute to those patterns. We don’t know what we don’t know. When you come to counselling wanting to improve your relationship and motivated to each do some of the work, that’s a recipe for change. We all want that! Maybe it will be painful to confront the parts of yourselves that are childish in your reactions, though with persistence character grows. As you do the work and mature within yourselves, you are more ready to contribute positively and be real in your responses to your partner.